Beware, the following is me babbling about random thoughts that I have had recently....
Lately I have been struggling a lot. I haven't really told anyone because I don't really like to tell people when I'm having a hard time... I would rather just be happy and fun all the time.
It is nothing serious or anything, I just don't really know what I want to do with my life. I just feel so unsure of EVERYTHING. In the Spring I felt so certain that I needed to go to Weber. I knew that I needed to go home and be with my family. I am the kind of person that loves to plan everything. Spontaneous is fun and I like that too... but when it comes to my life I have to plan it out. I measure the pro's and con's of everything and try to be logical. When I was in Jr. High I wanted to be a lawyer. I thought that would be awesome but when I was a sophomore in High School I looked into it more and realized that there were a lot of things about being a lawyer that were not exactly ideal for me. I loved the idea of public speaking and getting to "argue" my point. But I realized that I would get too attached to the situations and this just wouldn't work for me. So then I was back at square one... trying to decide what I wanted to be "when I grew up..." and then my mom suggested a News Reporter.
I remembered back when I was a little girl and my cousin Kelsi and I would sit in my basement and make up news stories. I always thought that would be the coolest job ever! I decided that was the perfect career for me and started preparing for that... but now it makes me a little nervous. I have finished my associates degree and I am actually supposed to make a decision. I have to decide what I want to major in... and if I decide I don't like it and change my major then I waste a lot of time and money. 2 things I really hate wasting...
Lately I have been trying to think of all my options. I even went and talked to an adviser at Weber but I always end up even more confused. I feel so unsure of what to do right now. I don't know what I want my major to be... I don't know what I want to be when I grow up... I have no clue where to go from here.
I have been praying like crazy, reading my patriarchal blessing, reading my scriptures... and I'm still lost. I guess growing up is difficult. I feel like I am being torn into a pieces. Part of me says to take a semester off, find another job and just work and save money, and really try to decide what I want to do and then go back to school in the Spring. Another part of me says to just keep the same plan I've had for a long time and go into broadcast journalism. Another part of me says to go into family relations or something with kids. All of these choices have benefits and downfalls... and I just can't figure out what the best choice is for me... and even more stressful is that I am running out of time to decide!
HOWEVER, that being said, I just have to say, I have some of the best friends ever. Tonight I went and played Volleyball (well I actually didn't play, I'm not athletic like that, I watched... and tossed around a football a little.) with a bunch of people from my new ward (which I love, by the way.). I have met a lot of friends there. Steph and I were just sitting there watching everyone play and she asked me about school... and I told her exactly how I had been feeling. It was SO nice to actually voice my concerns. I am so lucky that we are best friends, most girls can't say that they have been best friends since 5th grade, but we can. We have had our fall outs and fights but we have pulled through it. I have no clue what I would do with out her. She was great and listened to me, then some of our new friends came and talked to me as well and told me that they went through the same thing.
I am also very blessed because I have a great family. I know that they are there for me all the time and are willing to help me anytime I need it.
Well, I think that this post is long enough and I have rambled a ton but thanks for reading if you have any advice, I'd love it! :)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Gratitude.
I have always heard stories about people that have terrible, awful trials and how people come together to help them. I loved hearing the stories but that was all they were, stories. They were not my reality.
I am sure most people know about the struggles that my family has had the last 2 years. But if not I will just give a little overview. My sister, Ciera is married to Stewart and they have 2 amazing little boys, Hayden (almost 2) and Keagan (just over 4 months). Stewart has heart problems and has had 5 heart surgeries in the past 2 years. Obviously this has been very hard on the entire family but mostly on Ciera. Stewart has been unable to work because he passes out 20-40 times a day. This has made Ciera become the sole provider and nurturer of their family. Recently Stewart's doctor told them that he really can't do anymore for him and told them they need to go to Minnesota to the Mayo Clinic.
When Ciera first told me I thought it sounded impossible. They obviously can't afford that and I had no clue how they were going to be able to raise all that money. I tried to be positive for her but logically it just didn't seem probable. But I have been proved wrong.
I know that the Lord gives us trials and he also gives us a way to get through them. Sometimes that way is through other people. Ciera and Stewart are very blessed to have friends that love them. As soon as some of their neighbors found out about Ciera and Stewart's latest goal they decided to make it a reality and went right to work. They set up a dinner and auction. They got local places to donate items, gift cards, and services. They also got the radio and newspaper to help advertise it.
The event took place last night. I cannot even express how blown away I was. I love my sister very much. It has been so hard for me to watch her go through these trials. I know I haven't been able to help her much. I try to watch her kids and be there for her but I wish I could do more. Last night I was holding her baby and just looked around the room. I saw tables full of items that people had donated. I saw tables full of people, some that I knew, some that I didn't but all of them were there to help my sister and her family. All of them were willing to sacrifice their time and money just for my sister's family.
I talked to the girls that organized it and I thanked them for helping my sister so much. They responded by thanking me! Can you believe that?! I was so impressed with how Christ-like they were. Everyone came had the same attitude as those girls. They were all so willing to help and do what they could.Not only was it a beneficial night but it was also a very fun night! I was able to spend a lot of time with Hayden and Keagan. I love them both so it was fun to be able to play with them. I also bought a lot of GREAT stuff at the auction! :)
I have always wanted a Christus Statue and last night I was able to get one and have all the money go to my sister! :)
I was also able to get a super cute bag, it is supposed to be a diaper bag, so I'll just keep it in storage until that time comes.
I also got a cute little home decoration for my future house.
Today was testimony meeting and I wanted to get up and share my experience so badly but for the first time in my life, I was speechless! I had no clue how to express how I felt and how grateful I was. Last night was such an eye opener for me. I learned that we really do have a Father in Heaven that loves us. That we are given trials so that we can learn and that he has sent people here to bless our lives. I know that the Church is true and that if we listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost we will be blessed. I love my family so much and I am so grateful that if we live righteously we can be together forever.
If anyone wants to know more about Ciera and Stewart you can check out their blog
www.sendstewarttomayoclinic.blogspot.com
I am sure most people know about the struggles that my family has had the last 2 years. But if not I will just give a little overview. My sister, Ciera is married to Stewart and they have 2 amazing little boys, Hayden (almost 2) and Keagan (just over 4 months). Stewart has heart problems and has had 5 heart surgeries in the past 2 years. Obviously this has been very hard on the entire family but mostly on Ciera. Stewart has been unable to work because he passes out 20-40 times a day. This has made Ciera become the sole provider and nurturer of their family. Recently Stewart's doctor told them that he really can't do anymore for him and told them they need to go to Minnesota to the Mayo Clinic.
When Ciera first told me I thought it sounded impossible. They obviously can't afford that and I had no clue how they were going to be able to raise all that money. I tried to be positive for her but logically it just didn't seem probable. But I have been proved wrong.
I know that the Lord gives us trials and he also gives us a way to get through them. Sometimes that way is through other people. Ciera and Stewart are very blessed to have friends that love them. As soon as some of their neighbors found out about Ciera and Stewart's latest goal they decided to make it a reality and went right to work. They set up a dinner and auction. They got local places to donate items, gift cards, and services. They also got the radio and newspaper to help advertise it.
The event took place last night. I cannot even express how blown away I was. I love my sister very much. It has been so hard for me to watch her go through these trials. I know I haven't been able to help her much. I try to watch her kids and be there for her but I wish I could do more. Last night I was holding her baby and just looked around the room. I saw tables full of items that people had donated. I saw tables full of people, some that I knew, some that I didn't but all of them were there to help my sister and her family. All of them were willing to sacrifice their time and money just for my sister's family.
I talked to the girls that organized it and I thanked them for helping my sister so much. They responded by thanking me! Can you believe that?! I was so impressed with how Christ-like they were. Everyone came had the same attitude as those girls. They were all so willing to help and do what they could.Not only was it a beneficial night but it was also a very fun night! I was able to spend a lot of time with Hayden and Keagan. I love them both so it was fun to be able to play with them. I also bought a lot of GREAT stuff at the auction! :)
I have always wanted a Christus Statue and last night I was able to get one and have all the money go to my sister! :)
I was also able to get a super cute bag, it is supposed to be a diaper bag, so I'll just keep it in storage until that time comes.
I also got a cute little home decoration for my future house.
Today was testimony meeting and I wanted to get up and share my experience so badly but for the first time in my life, I was speechless! I had no clue how to express how I felt and how grateful I was. Last night was such an eye opener for me. I learned that we really do have a Father in Heaven that loves us. That we are given trials so that we can learn and that he has sent people here to bless our lives. I know that the Church is true and that if we listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost we will be blessed. I love my family so much and I am so grateful that if we live righteously we can be together forever.
If anyone wants to know more about Ciera and Stewart you can check out their blog
www.sendstewarttomayoclinic.blogspot.com
Monday, July 26, 2010
Camping!
This weekend was pretty fun!
My family (mom, dad and Ty) left to go camping on Wednesday. My original plan was to meet up with them after work on Thursday. But my plans changed when I had another offer and ended up having to work on Friday morning. So on Friday I got off work at 10:30am and made the short drive to Coalville. The entire way there I thought my car was driving strange so when I arrived my dad checked it out and one back tire was a little flat so he put more air in it for me.
Then I just spent time with my family. It was my mom's birthday so we celebrated that.
Ciera made her this cake, my mom is the assistant on the bus for the special needs kids. :)
When it got a little later I got nervous about my car. I had planned to stay over night but had to leave early in the morning for work and I didn't want to have to worry about my car because the tire was still losing air. So my brother and sister in law (Cameron and Heather) saved the day! They offered to go home that night as well and let me drive their car to work AND get my car fixed while I was at work! So this was what we did!! :)
When I got home Travis came to see me! Which was awesome! Saturday I went to work, came home and hung out with Katie. :) Then Ciera and Stewart came over with their boys. Then Travis came over again. :)
On Sunday Steph and I went camping after church! It was great! Steph and I haven't had a sleepover in YEARS and it was so great to be able to spend time with her! :)
We made smores and roasted starbursts! :)
We helped make the fire.
I am so glad that we have been friends for so long! It was a great weekend! :)
My family (mom, dad and Ty) left to go camping on Wednesday. My original plan was to meet up with them after work on Thursday. But my plans changed when I had another offer and ended up having to work on Friday morning. So on Friday I got off work at 10:30am and made the short drive to Coalville. The entire way there I thought my car was driving strange so when I arrived my dad checked it out and one back tire was a little flat so he put more air in it for me.
Then I just spent time with my family. It was my mom's birthday so we celebrated that.
Ciera made her this cake, my mom is the assistant on the bus for the special needs kids. :)When it got a little later I got nervous about my car. I had planned to stay over night but had to leave early in the morning for work and I didn't want to have to worry about my car because the tire was still losing air. So my brother and sister in law (Cameron and Heather) saved the day! They offered to go home that night as well and let me drive their car to work AND get my car fixed while I was at work! So this was what we did!! :)
When I got home Travis came to see me! Which was awesome! Saturday I went to work, came home and hung out with Katie. :) Then Ciera and Stewart came over with their boys. Then Travis came over again. :)
On Sunday Steph and I went camping after church! It was great! Steph and I haven't had a sleepover in YEARS and it was so great to be able to spend time with her! :)
We made smores and roasted starbursts! :)
We helped make the fire.
I am so glad that we have been friends for so long! It was a great weekend! :)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Recent Developments!
This summer has been awesome!! I have had so much fun just hanging out and relaxing. Of course I am still working but it has been nice to have some downtime.
I have been able to hang out with a lot of my friends!!!
This is Jenn. She was my best friend in Jr. High then she moved to Cali and I haven't seen her since! But she came to Utah to visit some family so we were able to go to lunch!! It was awesome to see her! :)
Steph and I have been able to hang out a lot again. :)
And I've hung out with Katie TONS! :)
I've played with my nephews too!
And I had a cast for 3 weeks. I had/have a ganglion cyst on my right wrist. It was hurting so bad that I couldn't even move my wrist so my mom took me to the doctor and he sucked all the fluids out of it and put a cast on me in hopes that it would prevent it from coming back. It didn't work because it didn't even go away! Oh well, the cast was waterproof and pink so it was manageable!
That is just an update on what has been going on.
Lately I have been so happy! I have just been taking things one day at a time and been meeting new people and making new friends. I have loved it! I was so happy just dating around and doing what I wanted.... and then I met a guy....
He is so cute, sweet, spiritual, smart, hardworking and he treats me well. He is such a great guy. The only problem is he is moving to Arizona for Medical School in a week. I have no clue what is going to happen when that time comes. But I guess that is life and I will continue to just take it a day at a time and see where life takes me! :)
I have been able to hang out with a lot of my friends!!!
This is Jenn. She was my best friend in Jr. High then she moved to Cali and I haven't seen her since! But she came to Utah to visit some family so we were able to go to lunch!! It was awesome to see her! :)
Steph and I have been able to hang out a lot again. :)
And I've hung out with Katie TONS! :)
I've played with my nephews too!
And I had a cast for 3 weeks. I had/have a ganglion cyst on my right wrist. It was hurting so bad that I couldn't even move my wrist so my mom took me to the doctor and he sucked all the fluids out of it and put a cast on me in hopes that it would prevent it from coming back. It didn't work because it didn't even go away! Oh well, the cast was waterproof and pink so it was manageable!That is just an update on what has been going on.
Lately I have been so happy! I have just been taking things one day at a time and been meeting new people and making new friends. I have loved it! I was so happy just dating around and doing what I wanted.... and then I met a guy....
He is so cute, sweet, spiritual, smart, hardworking and he treats me well. He is such a great guy. The only problem is he is moving to Arizona for Medical School in a week. I have no clue what is going to happen when that time comes. But I guess that is life and I will continue to just take it a day at a time and see where life takes me! :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
In Vegas!
Okay, so once again I have been meaning to update this for a while and I just haven't gotten around to it.
When we first arrived in Vegas we went to the Mall, it was a lot like the Gateway! :) We got a picture with the DQ Ice Cream Guy (I love Dairy Queen!)
Emilee got some lemonade.
And we got free ice cream!!! YUM!!!
So, while Em and I were in Vegas we went to the Strip! It was disgusting and dirty but we had fun!! There were a lot of impersonators that we got our picture taken with. :)
Em and I tried on SUPER expensive glasses.
This picture cracks me up, the guy told Em that she could just stay with him so she busted up laughing and couldn't stop. 
These guys were soo much fun!!
Michael Jackson!
Please excuse how fat I look in this picture... and the ridiculous look on my face.
Napoleon Dynamite!!
And the reason we went to the Strip... not as cool as I remember it...
And yes... Emilee did consider leaving the house like this for about... 2.158 seconds... :)
This was our ride home... check out the size of those cups!! They didn't have a smaller size that was plastic!!
And that was our trip to VEGAS!! :)
When we first arrived in Vegas we went to the Mall, it was a lot like the Gateway! :) We got a picture with the DQ Ice Cream Guy (I love Dairy Queen!)
Emilee got some lemonade.
And we got free ice cream!!! YUM!!!So, while Em and I were in Vegas we went to the Strip! It was disgusting and dirty but we had fun!! There were a lot of impersonators that we got our picture taken with. :)
Em and I tried on SUPER expensive glasses.
This picture cracks me up, the guy told Em that she could just stay with him so she busted up laughing and couldn't stop. 
These guys were soo much fun!!
Michael Jackson!
Please excuse how fat I look in this picture... and the ridiculous look on my face.Napoleon Dynamite!!
And the reason we went to the Strip... not as cool as I remember it...
And yes... Emilee did consider leaving the house like this for about... 2.158 seconds... :)
This was our ride home... check out the size of those cups!! They didn't have a smaller size that was plastic!!And that was our trip to VEGAS!! :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Drive to "Hell"
Aka Las Vegas, Nevada... or Henderson.
This weekend was a BLAST!!! Sara Conrad and Jacob Mantz (they both went to CEU and Emilee grew up with Sara) got married, Em wanted to go to the reception, so guess who was forced to go along? That is right, me! Just kidding :) I just went with Em so she didn't have to drive alone. It was a blast.
We left Price at about 11 on Friday morning.
We knew that it would be an adventurous trip because before we even got out of Price this is what we saw!!
When we were in Emery County there was some construction (of course) and cars pulled off to the side of the road. We were pretty confused about what was going on, so I unrolled the window and asked. Apparently the driver of one of the other cars had rear ended the car in front of them so they were exchanging insurance (there was no damage to either car so this seemed quite pointless to us) so Emilee and I pulled forward to the guy holding the stop sign. Then this old guy walked over to my window and said, "Ya know, you're going to hell right now, this is Heaven. Where are you going?" And we said, "Las Vegas!" He replied, "Yep, definitely going to hell." So I guess we spent a weekend in Hell but don't worry because we are back in "Heaven" now.
We passed the polygamist town, Joseph. This is really close to where my family goes camping! :)
We stopped in Cedar City to get gas and drinks. (The funny thing on this sign is the banner at the bottom... What's up? Text 'Happenings" to 83043. haha)
There was a cute boy outside of the Maverick selling hot dogs. He offered us a sample but we declined... I think he would have given them to us for free.
The bathrooms had the best sign!! :) Nature Calls!! :)
Emilee and I in the bathroom.
This was painted on the wall outside the bathroom. Pretty cool decorations for a Maverick if you ask me! :)
We decided to play that really dumb and childish game, ya know, the one where you try to get semis to honk for you... yeah we were pretty successful.
Next we played the license plate game... well more like we listed all of the different license plates we saw....
.... Pretty good right??
It was a fun but long drive!! I think my favorite part would have to be when Emilee and I did the Cupid Shuffle. I'm sure people were looking at us like we were crazy!!
I don't want to make this post SUPER long so this is all I'll write today. Tomorrow I'll try to write about what we did in Vegas! :)
This weekend was a BLAST!!! Sara Conrad and Jacob Mantz (they both went to CEU and Emilee grew up with Sara) got married, Em wanted to go to the reception, so guess who was forced to go along? That is right, me! Just kidding :) I just went with Em so she didn't have to drive alone. It was a blast.
We left Price at about 11 on Friday morning.
We knew that it would be an adventurous trip because before we even got out of Price this is what we saw!!When we were in Emery County there was some construction (of course) and cars pulled off to the side of the road. We were pretty confused about what was going on, so I unrolled the window and asked. Apparently the driver of one of the other cars had rear ended the car in front of them so they were exchanging insurance (there was no damage to either car so this seemed quite pointless to us) so Emilee and I pulled forward to the guy holding the stop sign. Then this old guy walked over to my window and said, "Ya know, you're going to hell right now, this is Heaven. Where are you going?" And we said, "Las Vegas!" He replied, "Yep, definitely going to hell." So I guess we spent a weekend in Hell but don't worry because we are back in "Heaven" now.
We passed the polygamist town, Joseph. This is really close to where my family goes camping! :)We stopped in Cedar City to get gas and drinks. (The funny thing on this sign is the banner at the bottom... What's up? Text 'Happenings" to 83043. haha)
There was a cute boy outside of the Maverick selling hot dogs. He offered us a sample but we declined... I think he would have given them to us for free.
The bathrooms had the best sign!! :) Nature Calls!! :)
Emilee and I in the bathroom.
This was painted on the wall outside the bathroom. Pretty cool decorations for a Maverick if you ask me! :)We decided to play that really dumb and childish game, ya know, the one where you try to get semis to honk for you... yeah we were pretty successful.
Next we played the license plate game... well more like we listed all of the different license plates we saw....
.... Pretty good right??It was a fun but long drive!! I think my favorite part would have to be when Emilee and I did the Cupid Shuffle. I'm sure people were looking at us like we were crazy!!
I don't want to make this post SUPER long so this is all I'll write today. Tomorrow I'll try to write about what we did in Vegas! :)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Family
Lately, as well all know, my life consists of school, work and going home every weekend. Last week was slightly different.
I was able to hang out with Emilee everyday! I actually stayed in her apartment every night. It was really nice! I have missed being able to hang out with her 24/7! One night we even went to a friends house and played Pepsi Pong. I don't think I can even describe how much I hate regular pepsi! Yuck!! It was a lot of fun but I highly doubt that I will be playing that game again anytime soon.
On Thursday I made my regular trip home. Friday morning I woke up and went with Carson to babysit his nephews. It was a blast! They are such cute little boys. I can definitely tell they are related to Carson and have been brainwashed well (just ask what their favorite car is)
Enough said.
That night Ty and I got slurpees (yum!) and watched Zoolander (yes, I did watch it again.) It was really good to just relax at home.
Saturday was kind of stressful for me. I had to write a paper for my biology class. I had no clue what to write about or anything. Normally I can write essays without a problem but this one took me AGES to write! On top of that I had promised Ciera that I would make snickerdoodles for Keagan's baby blessing.
I eventually finished my essay (I wrote it on genetic engineering, yeah, I got the idea from the movie, My Sister's Keeper) and the cookies, I had to make a double batch because my dad loves to eat them straight from the oven! I think that is a compliment though... :)
While I was writing my essay I was also chatting with friends on Facebook (of course, maybe that is why it took me so long to write it...) I was chatting with my old debate coach, Todd Hammond. Him and his wife just finished a theater in their basement so they invited me to go over and watch a movie. So Katie and I did! That probably sounds kind of weird, but it really isn't! haha It was fun and made me miss debate a lot!
Sunday was a great day! I went to Logan for Keagan's baby blessing. He was so cute! I was really upset with myself because I forgot my camera! So I will have to steal some pictures from Ciera to put up.
That is pretty much all that is going on... well besides a ton of homework and studying for math tests! It is okay though because next week is my last week of summer school! :)
I was able to hang out with Emilee everyday! I actually stayed in her apartment every night. It was really nice! I have missed being able to hang out with her 24/7! One night we even went to a friends house and played Pepsi Pong. I don't think I can even describe how much I hate regular pepsi! Yuck!! It was a lot of fun but I highly doubt that I will be playing that game again anytime soon.
On Thursday I made my regular trip home. Friday morning I woke up and went with Carson to babysit his nephews. It was a blast! They are such cute little boys. I can definitely tell they are related to Carson and have been brainwashed well (just ask what their favorite car is)
Enough said.That night Ty and I got slurpees (yum!) and watched Zoolander (yes, I did watch it again.) It was really good to just relax at home.
Saturday was kind of stressful for me. I had to write a paper for my biology class. I had no clue what to write about or anything. Normally I can write essays without a problem but this one took me AGES to write! On top of that I had promised Ciera that I would make snickerdoodles for Keagan's baby blessing.
I eventually finished my essay (I wrote it on genetic engineering, yeah, I got the idea from the movie, My Sister's Keeper) and the cookies, I had to make a double batch because my dad loves to eat them straight from the oven! I think that is a compliment though... :)While I was writing my essay I was also chatting with friends on Facebook (of course, maybe that is why it took me so long to write it...) I was chatting with my old debate coach, Todd Hammond. Him and his wife just finished a theater in their basement so they invited me to go over and watch a movie. So Katie and I did! That probably sounds kind of weird, but it really isn't! haha It was fun and made me miss debate a lot!
Sunday was a great day! I went to Logan for Keagan's baby blessing. He was so cute! I was really upset with myself because I forgot my camera! So I will have to steal some pictures from Ciera to put up.
That is pretty much all that is going on... well besides a ton of homework and studying for math tests! It is okay though because next week is my last week of summer school! :)
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