Ugh... Life.

Beware, the following is me babbling about random thoughts that I have had recently....

Lately I have been struggling a lot. I haven't really told anyone because I don't really like to tell people when I'm having a hard time... I would rather just be happy and fun all the time.
It is nothing serious or anything, I just don't really know what I want to do with my life. I just feel so unsure of EVERYTHING. In the Spring I felt so certain that I needed to go to Weber. I knew that I needed to go home and be with my family. I am the kind of person that loves to plan everything. Spontaneous is fun and I like that too... but when it comes to my life I have to plan it out. I measure the pro's and con's of everything and try to be logical. When I was in Jr. High I wanted to be a lawyer. I thought that would be awesome but when I was a sophomore in High School I looked into it more and realized that there were a lot of things about being a lawyer that were not exactly ideal for me. I loved the idea of public speaking and getting to "argue" my point. But I realized that I would get too attached to the situations and this just wouldn't work for me. So then I was back at square one... trying to decide what I wanted to be "when I grew up..." and then my mom suggested a News Reporter.
I remembered back when I was a little girl and my cousin Kelsi and I would sit in my basement and make up news stories. I always thought that would be the coolest job ever! I decided that was the perfect career for me and started preparing for that... but now it makes me a little nervous. I have finished my associates degree and I am actually supposed to make a decision. I have to decide what I want to major in... and if I decide I don't like it and change my major then I waste a lot of time and money. 2 things I really hate wasting...
Lately I have been trying to think of all my options. I even went and talked to an adviser at Weber but I always end up even more confused. I feel so unsure of what to do right now. I don't know what I want my major to be... I don't know what I want to be when I grow up... I have no clue where to go from here.
I have been praying like crazy, reading my patriarchal blessing, reading my scriptures... and I'm still lost. I guess growing up is difficult. I feel like I am being torn into a pieces. Part of me says to take a semester off, find another job and just work and save money, and really try to decide what I want to do and then go back to school in the Spring. Another part of me says to just keep the same plan I've had for a long time and go into broadcast journalism. Another part of me says to go into family relations or something with kids. All of these choices have benefits and downfalls... and I just can't figure out what the best choice is for me... and even more stressful is that I am running out of time to decide!
HOWEVER, that being said, I just have to say, I have some of the best friends ever. Tonight I went and played Volleyball (well I actually didn't play, I'm not athletic like that, I watched... and tossed around a football a little.) with a bunch of people from my new ward (which I love, by the way.). I have met a lot of friends there. Steph and I were just sitting there watching everyone play and she asked me about school... and I told her exactly how I had been feeling. It was SO nice to actually voice my concerns. I am so lucky that we are best friends, most girls can't say that they have been best friends since 5th grade, but we can. We have had our fall outs and fights but we have pulled through it. I have no clue what I would do with out her. She was great and listened to me, then some of our new friends came and talked to me as well and told me that they went through the same thing.
I am also very blessed because I have a great family. I know that they are there for me all the time and are willing to help me anytime I need it.
Well, I think that this post is long enough and I have rambled a ton but thanks for reading if you have any advice, I'd love it! :)